Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
