a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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