Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
