you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
