My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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