I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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