We won't sleep together?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The uberlube is also flammable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
