I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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