My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
