Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
