Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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