Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
