i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
