i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
