never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
