Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
