things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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