having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You made out with two different species that night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
