I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
