Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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