I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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