Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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