I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
