D3 body, D1 cock
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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