Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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