How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
