bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
