I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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