We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
