I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
