Who did Billy Mays play for?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
