This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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