Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
