Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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