I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Welp...herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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