PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
