Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so let's talk penis.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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