He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
