U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
