she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
