I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
