Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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