So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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