Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
