I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize