farters have to be the big spoon...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
