He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
