hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
