i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
