At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
