Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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