Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize