i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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