In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
