Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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