this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
