I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
