Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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