Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
