This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
