Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
