we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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