sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
