I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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