The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
