the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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