I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize