If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
