I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
