jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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