And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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